I don’t know why I ever used tumblr as a personal diary. I’m really not a negative person all the time, but I have to let go of my negative thoughts somehow. Oh well, moving on.
(since people add hash tags to everything now, even televisions)
If you are in a relationship, and you participate in the act of public affection, be it over the internet or in person, are you doing it for your own benefit, the benefit of the person you’re with, or as a show for the people around you? Is the person you’re with so insecure that they must be told on a consistent basis, especially in front of others, that you love them? Or are you so insecure that you have to let others know that the person you’re with is in a relationship with you? Perhaps you’re so wrapped up in your own narcissism and that is the drive behind you’re behavior. Maybe you are none of these things and you just don’t give a fuck and think public displays of affection are appropriate in any situation.
Whatever the reasoning may be, I don’t understand it and think it’s stupid. But I think relationships in general are stupid. Not to mention I am overly analytical and judgmental so my opinion doesn’t matter much. But it makes me wonder if I am emotionally stunted. I think about such matters in a sort of textbook manner, with little or no feeling behind it. Yes of course I love people, have been hurt, upset, cried, laughed, the whole human experience. But when I process thoughts in my clear, sane frame of mind, I think like a robot, and come to this conclusion. Relationships are stupid, and I question why I even invest time in friendships. People are always ( -__- ) trying to set me up, and I always tell them this, “Let me put it this way. I know for a fact I want kids. I don’t want to get married. I desire human companionship less and less everyday.)
I love this music video. I find it incredibly interesting. Implied “evil” entity is almost doing something good? It’s comparable to Dexter in that killing is always deemed morally wrong, but when you’re taking out the garbage, so to speak, you tend bend against the socially acceptable thing to do.
And yes, I enjoy dubstep. I was introduced to it over a year and half ago and was immediately intrigued. I hate it when people are like, “ohh nerrr dubstep pshh that shit’s so stupid bah whatever.” Oh shut the fuck up and get off your high horse and let others enjoy what they will. Why is it the SECOND something is mainstreamed it’s taboo? I could launch into a speech about selling out and jumping on the proverbial bandwagon, but I won’t. (Mostly because I think I already did that a while back.) I just want to like what I like without being judged, thank you kindly. And now I will step down from my soap box.
True life.
I wish someone would dedicate the time and energy to start a food blog with me. Since I discovered I cannot eat wheat because it makes me violently ill, I’ve perused many gluten free and wheat free websites and I want to throw my own ideas into the mix. Primarily because the majority of the recipes I come across are all “healthy” recipes. Very rarely do I see good, quality recipes for a gluten free version of a real, greasy, disgusting southern home cooked meal. And while I do aspire to live a healthier lifestyle, sometimes things just taste better with a stick of butter.
About six months ago I even secured a name on my favorite blogging website and started some coding to make it look not so bland. But I am so indecisive and I need another creative brain to make my ideas even better. So hopefully someone in the near future will be willing to partner with me. If not, I’ll just have to suck it up and do it myself. There will be many experiments in gluten free cooking and baking, most of them failing miserably I imagine, but I love food so it will be an adventure worthwhile.
(Source: theasbofive)
I am selfish, and irrational. But I can’t stomach this anymore. I’ll take someone’s advice and try to let it go, remove some baggage, blah blah. It’s unreal, and again irrational, how easily my mood is changed by this one little (really not so little) thing. So until I can learn to relax, I am cutting all ties with you. Because every time I see you I want to punch you in the face and rape you verbally until I see you crying on the floor in tears. And while I admit that it’s absolutely ridiculous, it’s also involuntary. The insanity of it all is that you never hurt me, personally. But you hurt the person I care about most in this entire world. Someone that I would die for, and kill for. Someone that has become a part of me. So that’s worse than hurting me. I care about this person more than myself. I do not apologize for my feelings, or thoughts. It is how I choose to react to them that defines who I am. So for now, to finish off this melodramatic post, you are dead to me. And in declaring your hypothetical death, you no longer have control over me. In theory. You know, dropping off some unnecessary baggage and all that. Trust me, it’s going to take a long time before the thought of you doesn’t stir up thoughts of hatred and disgust, but at least I’m trying. At the end of this very long road I have ahead of me, I’ll be a better person because of it.
This is pretty much it. I’m sorry. But I’ve never liked you, I still don’t like you, and I’m done pretending that I do. You’re selfish and you’re a bitch, and the only reason I put up with you was out of courtesy for someone that I love very much. No more fake friends. I lie so much to you, to myself, and to her that I absolutely disgust myself. Nothing good ever came of hiding my thoughts or my feelings, so I’m done.
